Can't sleep

It's a month since I gave birth. 

We're doing really well now. 

But I can't sleep. My brain is awake with strange things. Memories from years ago, new feelings, excitement about our NCT reunion later today, planning trips, body image issues, physical well being concerns, career thoughts and creative ideas.

It would be lovely to have a sunny day where I can paint the nursery furniture. I'd like to sort out the mini wardrobe from the spare room as I'd planned. If the handles I bought are too naff I can always replace them. But for now, they are fun and cute. I can take the drawers outside or in the garage and start stripping them. I could also take the door off. There is a shelf at the bottom of the wardrobe section. I need four matching fittings to support the shelf. There might be two in place that I can use to find replacements.

6 new handles needed for the chest of drawers. Shall I find a different type? I like the chalkboard idea from GLTC. I could do that on the drawers so we know what's inside!

While I'm at it I could buy the grub screws I need for my desk. 

Nursery furniture

1. Remove handles

2. Fill and smooth

3. Sand

4. Dril holes

5. Paint - plain white or lime streaked? Investigate wax and sponges etc

6. Fix handles

Ta da!

This was going to be Emily's nursery at the flat. 

This is her nursery at our new house. 

Most of the things aren't in there now so it looks calm and empty. On the left are two double wardrobes. I'd like at least one of them to be put somewhere else. Either in the spare room or the garage. They are just in the way now. 

Thursday the day before One Month birthday

12:21 Feeding in the back of the car. I managed to get to Castlepoint ok. I managed to get to the Children's Centre clinic to get Emily weighed. Before these things, my morning was a disaster. 

Al had left the hot tap running in the kitchen ad left for work. At least he texted me to say he thinks he left the front door unlocked. He had. I was breastfeeding upstairs and about to have a shower so at least I could check that. It took me a lot of effort to work out what was wrong with the hot water. All the while, Emily was refluxy and needed holding. 

I cleaned the bath in case the hot water came out. It didn't. I fiddled with the boiler which did nothing. I've asked Al SO MANY times about the boiler. Or perhaps I've mentioned it numerous times thinking he'd take the hint and sort it out. 

I find if hard to simply show I'm cross when I'm cross. But today I ended my text with 'I'm feeling totally fucked off'. He apologised. 

Before I finish, Emily has put on a whole pound in weight in 8 days! Incredible!!

Breastfeeding Audit

So I went to the local children's centre on Wednesday to partake in a breastfeeding audit for the NHS. There were various questions regarding the discussions that have taken place with my health visitor. I want to record the two amazing things that I learnt. 

1. To cuddle your baby when it cries actually develops their mind. Once all the practical reasons a baby might cry are dealt with (hunger, wind, wet nappy, temperature, illness), giving a cuddle provides the baby with comfort and emotional nourishment. This keeps the baby calmer and will give the baby more confidence and stability as they grow. People say you might spoil your baby, but for newborns, they are too young to be spoilt or get clingy at this stage. You are simply giving them what they need! It answered so many small little questions and was totally fascinating.

I had been concerned I was putting her down too much. I had been concerned about holding her for too long and over-stimulating her. I was concerned she would be bored. But not any more!

2. The other thing I learnt was that breastfeeding stimulates dopamine in the mother making her sleepy. The woman explained that at night you might find that you're nodding off while feeding your baby and that to burp your baby afterwards seems beyond you. Now I know why! 

Day 24

We have no plans today and I'm so relieved! The baby shower yesterday was lovely but it lasted a really long time. I thought it was 3:30-5pm but I left shortly before 9pm! That was partly because of lots of girly chats about babies and also because Emily fed three times and needed changing twice so I just went with the flow. I'm hoping I get to see some of the gorgeous photos people took of Emily in her pretty dress as I didn't get any. I took this lovely one of her after the dress came off because she was hot:

Ooh I do love her to bits!

I was concerned that all the partying and fuss would stress her out and we'd have a difficult night. But she was brilliant, sleeping for ages and going roughly 4 hours between feeds until 6:30am. Al changed her nappy at 4am which I was so glad about. I woke up dead to the world and roused myself so I could feed her. The midnight feed was tricky. Afterwards she wouldn't settle so she had a bit more milk. Then she started throwing up the milk, possibly because she was too full. So it took me 50 minutes to put her down by which time I'd been on the go since 7am and it was now 1 in the morning. The baby shower meant that I didn't have an afternoon nap and was more tired than normal. 

But we're coping ok!

The blooming car... on the way to the party a red warning came on the dash telling me to check for a flat tyre. It was still there when I left but the tyres looked ok so I carefully drove home. I've got to call the tyre company this morning for them to check it out. I want to take a cake to the boys at the office this afternoon so hopefully the car will be sorted easily. It's for Al really because he didn't get a birthday cake. 

I'm currently sat in bed waiting for the GP to call me. He was due to call at 9:45 and it's already 10:05. I thought it was supposed to be 9:30 so I've been sat in bed for ages now! I'm rather tired and trying not to feel guilty about resting. 

Hmm, it's now 10:15 and still nothing. I think I'll call them because I wouldn't wait in the surgery this long without asking what's going on. 

Things I could do today:

Laundry

Cutting out wrapping paper for baby book

Looking at Roz's memory stick of photos

Choose a photo for the notification cards and order them. Ask Al how many he needs. 

Start thinking about the reunion on Saturday and make a shopping list. Exciting! How will I make the badges child friendly? How will I make the badges?!

1st March

I can't quite believe it's March already. Our baby was due on 25th January. She was late by 13 days and with February being a short month, we've made it to March! I almost feel sad that it's not February anymore.

It used to be the worst month of the year for me. I'd feel grey around the edges, my skin would be dry and it would feel like summer was far away. Christmas was gone and there was nothing much to look forward to. Even with my lovely man's birthday, I'd always feel a bit flat by February. But now it's one of the busiest happiest months!

Two days ago Emily was in the bouncy chair and did a very wet squishy sounding fart. Shortly followed another, then another. I picked her out of the chair and the poo had already soaked through her clothes. By picking her up I had wet yellow stains up my right arm and it was impossible to hold her without touching the poo zone!

The clothes were washed straight away but the stains haven't come out. That's after using Vanish spray! Gross. 

Later that evening, Teresa and Andy came round to meet Emily. Teresa is such a natural with her which shouldn't be a surprise really but I've never seen her with such a tiny baby. It was lovely!

Baby on the way

This time two weeks ago my waters had broken. 04:55 was the exact time. Today I'm holding my beautiful baby girl in my arms, feeding her until she goes back to sleep again. It does feel like a miracle today. 

Wrtten 21st February 2014

Lovely sentiment

Somebody I know posted this on Facebook. I believe children will find these things themselves but to be aware of your roots, to feel independent and free is a privileged place to be.